A Change.

I have an exam at 8 tomorrow morning … yet all I can think of is this… 

My whole life I’ve had a problem with change. While I completely love the change that new shoes bring, and similarly the change of weather, books, perspectives, jackets, emotions, scenery, tastes, restaurants, and movies. 

But there’s a different change, a change of deeper proportions that I’ll never be able to handle … 

My roommate is moving out in three months. But she’s not just my roommate. She’s my best friend, my “adopted sister” as she was titled by her mother years ago. Every year has been filled with camping trips, random trips to Walmart (where we always spend too much money and typically sat on the floor to decide on our purchases), cookouts, late nights in the CCLI, rummage sales, thrift stores, lemonade, and laziness among other things. We’ve lived together for two years. Once, back in 2006 in a green house. An amazing house. And now, in an apartment. A beautiful apartment with our own sun porch and a view people would pay millions for. 

She moved out of the green house before and I was fine … but this time it is different because in my heart I know we’ll never be as close as we are now. She’s getting married in July and while a large part of me is so happy for her, a significant part is dreading this place and my life without her. Though lately I don’t see her (work, fiancee, life, etc) the years we’ve known each other have been some of the best of my life.

Jess always finds something to laugh about … and even if one of us says something that’s probably not funny … we always know what the other thinks is hilarious. In fact we scared our fiancee’s with an outright giggle fit a few weeks ago. No one knew what was so funny, and maybe nothing even was … but we laughed so hard our stomachs ached and never questioned it. Sometimes we are so tired that we lay around and talk about how tired we are for a few hours, which seems lame but has actually brought some of my most fun nights. She taught me how to grill burgers and set up a tent, how to plant flowers, sew a button, eat organic, cook noodles and chicken, make amazing dessert over a fire pit, and sing about singing in store. We had points where we wanted to scream at each other … and once I think we actually did, but that’s why I love her. When I was diving head first into the worst relationship of my life, she was the one who warned me. Though I didn’t listen at the time, I know she was right … and how amazing to have a friend that’s willing to tell you when you’re an idiot. Even more amazing is when they are right there to pick you back up after you’ve fallen face first in front of everyone.

To be completely truthful, I wouldn’t be the person I am today without her. My life wouldn’t be what it is without her.

I’m sad. I won’t lie. She’ll visit on weekends, but I’m sure a large part of that time will be spent with family, and rightfully so … and everything will be so different. I’ve never had her farther than 15 minutes away. I keep blocking it out of my mind, saying that this is just temporary or just completely ignoring the packing that’s happening around me. But tonight, I’m realizing how quickly 3 months will be here and gone. And so will she.